the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
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