Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
