so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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