Someone shit on the floor
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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