My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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