my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
