Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the day after is always just damage control
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
