I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
