make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
