This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
