I cannot find my penis.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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