Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
