Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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