Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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