Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
