You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
