apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
