If that was your dad, he is hot
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
