If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
