I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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