Swine flu. Run for my life!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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