good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
