I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
