Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
