Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
