Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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