Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize