we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
