im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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