The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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