she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
