this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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