I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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