I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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