Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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