Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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