U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
