I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
