you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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