Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
