i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
