You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
