Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
