For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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