I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
