the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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