I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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