I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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