i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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