Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
