I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
