Whod you bang
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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